Once upon a time, a girl met a boy. On an app. And they met properly in a pub, and they both had quite a laugh, and discovered that they both wanted to be doctors but had failed most of their A-Levels so couldn't do that, and that they both also had peanut allergies. He babbled a lot towards the end of the evening, but the girl still thought she liked him anyway.
They met a second time, to which they had a pretty perfect second date which consisted of Whitebait, a lovely old pub in the countryside, and a countryside walk at sunset whilst the girl taught him about books. She didn't understand how he didn't know who Thomas Hardy and Woody Allen were, but she thought she still liked him anyway.
They met a third time, where they went to the cinema. They watched a crappy Tom Cruise film. And he was too sarcastic. His hair too covered in product. He didn't know about anything or watch anything. And she was too tired. But she thought she still liked him anyway.
Well you catch my drift.
I just got rainchecked by Gerard. For our date. Which is tomorrow. And i texted him, breaching the subject, first. No proper excuse or reason, just a 'could i possibly get a raincheck? perhaps to the weekend?' I genuinely laughed out loud. This happened all of half an hour ago.
Ok so I wasn't 100% on Gerard anyway (see above) his lack of ambition "I'm one of those weird people who has kind of found what they want to do now" (errrr really? Wine buyer? From wanting to be a hospital physician?)* his "who is Woody Allen" and the awkward way he kissed which made me crick my neck to one side like a demented and probably broken owl.
I am fully aware that this may all look like a child throwing its toys out of the pram in the style of 'I didn't want them anyway, so there!' But I was genuinely hesitant. You can ask my colleagues if you don't believe me. They had to endure my umming and ahhing over our computer screens for a full month. Maybe more actually. "If you liked him you would know" one of the girls said, whilst my male colleague shrank with ugh-theyre-chatting-about-boys disdain in the corner. When she said that I felt a funny feeling in my stomach, like how I felt when I opened my A-Level results envelope and saw the letters staring unashamedly back up at me. The truth, maybe?
But literally- what the fuck? I just got dumped by a raincheck. Who even says raincheck any more? It's like something from Corrie! And I am pretty sure this is a proverbial dumping, he hasn't replied now for an hour to my voicemail.
Oh yeah haha it gets better. I tried to call him as I was sick of hanging around and just wanted to know that it was all done quickly rather than mulling over it at bed time and he put his phone to answer machine. I rang it back as I forgot to leave a message the first time, and left a not that angry sounding voicemail (proud moment as I was pretty annoyed) being like "hey it's Colleen- just wanted to see what we're doing tomorrow slash friday slash whatever and just to see if you're ok. Alright- bye". It has been an hour now so I have sent him off to the island of the lost boys (Neverland maybe?) along with the others. I've "Not Interested Anymore"d him on Happn, and I will probably delete our (now i realise, incredibly boring) text conversation.
Whenever this has happened before I have just blamed myself. But I'll tell you a thing now, reader.
I am not blaming myself this time.
Nope.
Fuck that. Obviously it helps that I wasn't nuts about him, but this time I see my role in this termination of relationship-thing, but don't shoulder all of the blame. Yes it may have been a bit bitchy when I texted him that time saying "everyone was creative, it's part of being a human" when he blamed his lacklustre attempt at coming up with ideas for our date on "not being a creative person" and yes ringing him just now may have been a bit scary. But I will not listen to the shit the patriarchy spouts! Being assertive and calling a guy up you've been on a date with 3 times, let have your cat on their lap, and kiss your face 3 times is in no way being "needy". Getting a bit skeptical that the guy has not really considered where you are going for your third date after confirming that they're still up for it is not being "crazy".
I was initially hurt that a person could treat another person this way, not even my friends do this, men included, so the ever so tedious "women are more organised than men" argument does not apply. But now I actually feel a bit relieved? I am happy to work on myself now for a bit. I envisage myself, Bridget Jones style, sweating on a treadmill, and Carrie Bradshaw style, getting my hair dyed brown as a marker of a breakup. When the real me will probably finally get around to booking her first driving lesson, and finishing Mad Men.
The bad thing is that this blog may get a bit boring now for a bit, as I plan to take a break from dating. As easy as this whole being dumped by "raincheck" experience has been (obviously), I am a bit knackered from the ups and downs of it all.
However, my phone has just bonged with a new Happn message. TBC.**
*- Ok some people are genuinely happy with what they do and don't aspire to change the world, and I want to clarify that that is wonderful. But I am not like that, and can't be with someone who isn't interested in doing something significant or at least being a bit creative.
**- To Be Continued. Not To Be Confirmed.
No comments:
Post a Comment