Christ.

   So after deleting tinder I have transferred onto another dating app- Happn. After being all oh fuck tinder it's awful! I've now gone onto a, in a way, highly similar app. Which also uses GPS mapping to find people in your vicinity to match you up, Happn calls this "crossing paths". Once you have happened (lol, even though I nicked this joke from my colleague earlier who used it when I explained the same thing to him) upon someone, you then have the choice to like them or select "not interested" which is much softer than Tinders big, fat, blunt NOPE of the swipe left (or right, still can't remember).
   One of the first people I began talking to was Gerard. A wine buyer from somewhere near Reading- I began my  usual way, I engaged in a good old conversation, the modern day "asl" from in a way, my first ever taste of online flirting, Habbo Hotel. But I completely had the rug pulled out from underneath me. He asked me out. so quickly too. Basically I had begun to moan to him about how rubbish it is nowadays that no one can really communicate any more and we all have to message each other, cowering behind our keyboards  with a snifter of wine for courage. And the fucker called my bluff. "Should we meet up for a drink then?" I obliged. Feeling hesitant, and still smarting from my Tinder date-that-was-not I thought saying yes might be easier than the complete shutting down ness of saying no. It seemed too abrupt, and in a way, too soon. So I said yes, and now I'm on my way home to get ready for said date. Trying to type on the bus and it's hard because there are so many voices around me and I find it really difficult to not listen in to other people's conversations- does anyone else experience this??? There's a Spanish girl and her mate chatting near me and there's something about the accent that is so expressive I can't help but earwig but anyway. 
   Now I am thinking of the practicalities of Colleen gets back on the horse. This whole dating thing- am I really cut out for it? I've always been such a ridiculously sensitive thing, to the point it's bloody chronic. And the other thing, can I really afford it? Am I leaking out money on gin and tonics and shared tapas and bus fare there (I always at least try to sponge a lift home) which I could be saving up for learning to drive? 
   This feeling of obligated attendance always just reminds me of when I was job hunting before I got my current job and I would get a call back from a company which looked ok- but not exactly what I wanted, and maybe a bit too far away, and there's that other application I have with so and so which looks like I may be in with a chance. I would get up too late and end up putting my make up on at the train station (which is kind of standard for me now anyway, except in this case it's because I just well, couldn't really be arsed) and then wouldn't have done enough prep, so when asked "so Caitlin do you have any questions?" I would stare idly around the room and ask ask if their office was new and find myself trying so hard to get my brain to just BE INTERESTED with that little voice in the back of my head saying "you could be at home playing sims right now" and I would end up staggering my words like I was buffering like Netflix during peak time all like "so.... Um.... Where- how..... Long.... Has this.... Office.... Been....?Here?"
   I'm trying to think of what to wear. I bought some dungarees in topshop on Saturday and they seem so inviting. But this bloke is a wine buyer, he'll want silky shirt, leathery jeans and little cowboy boots and are dungarees really a thing you wear on a date anyway? I said this earlier and my friend just told me to "wear what's comfortable" so does this mean I could show up in my emoji print shorts that I do my yoga in? I am hopeless at this. Help.